Creating Healthy Boundaries and Protecting YOU.

self-love

Lately, I have been hearing, and even seeing it all around me. People feeling like they are being walked on, treated badly, and even berated by others. Sometimes by people they trust and love. They feel like they cannot say no, they cannot walk away. They are stuck. Whether it be on facebook, emails, or real life, this isn’t something you have to accept.  YOU can change things.

We live in a society where we are raised among a plethora of different beliefs. Upbringings by parents from different cultures, different religions, and even mentally ill and abusive family situations. These all affect and mold who we are and how we react to negative treatment from friends, co-workers, even loved ones. Psychologists call this “learned behavior”.

No matter who these people are, you have a right to stand up for yourself. You have a right to walk away. This doesn’t mean you have to scream, yell, fight, or argue. This doesn’t mean you have to smile and stick around. These are all part of your learned behavior as an abused/neglected individual. You have choices. I came from a background of abuse, neglect, and even kidnapping and assault by a stranger. For the longest time in my life, I had accepted that I was a victim. I had no idea that I could create boundaries, and walk away. I was finally told by a kind social worker, the truth about creating boundaries. I thought this was the norm. Boy, was I wrong! Thank goodness for people that care. After years of abuse, I slowly unlearned these behaviors.

Sometimes it’s hard to say no, or leave a person we love, or think we love. Maybe we are just scared, or feel like this is comfortable, or we too feel as though we are just stuck being victims.  Especially when this is what we are used to as children, and into adulthood. We have to be the ones to stop the abuse. You are no longer a child of abuse, neglect or shame. Once you reach adulthood, you have choices. This means protecting that child inside. Your inner child. Sometimes he/she is still there, telling you that you are helpless, and that you don’t deserve all the love you really do. All of us do! That is your birthright on this earth.

You may be asking…how do I do this? It’s not that simple at first, but you must love yourself enough to start by saying no. This doesn’t make you a bad or mean person. It makes you a stronger person each time you take a stand for yourself. You have to love yourself, and this is the beginning. You also have to take time for yourself. This could mean telling a spouse or a friend you need some YOU time. We all need quiet time to think and reflect on our day. This could mean taking a walk, sitting and reading, or just getting out of the house by yourself to figure it out. It could unfortunately also be more extreme, such as completely cutting these people out of your life. I know that sucks, but it may be the healthiest thing you can do.
Sometimes we feel guilt for these actions. If we come from situations of any form of abuse or neglect, we can feel this guilt. That’s not yours either. That belongs to that inner child; and he, or she is now an adult. That adult is no longer stuck being abused. He or she has choices. We don’t have to sit in the corner, be beaten, berated, feel guilty, or taken advantage of. Taking control and saying no to any form of neglect, or abuse is the first step. You may need to walk away from friendships or relationships where you feel used, neglected, or talked down to. You may need to tell your life partner these things, and that is very, very hard. Especially when you have your own children to think about. It’s not easy and always scary, but it’s all about healing ourselves, and finding people who accept us and love us for who we are. This is all about breaking cycles as well.   Breaking these cycles is also vital to our children and their future relationships.

Remember, these toxic abusers will try to guilt you or shame you, and turn it around. They will make you seem like you are the one treating them bad for loving yourself. You have to remember to take that quiet time in order to sort this out. You will know inside whether this is a truth or not. Believe in your instincts. Go with your gut. You know if this is wrong or not. We all do.

I may not have a degree in social work or psychology, but I have lived through this, and come out a happier human being.  I have finally come out of it in peace. I have a loving and supportive husband. A healthy relationship with my son, and now, with my family. I walk away from arguments. I keep my opinions to myself unless asked by my own adult son. I understand what I need to say no to, in order to make me a happy, healthy human being. I no longer feel guilt for loving myself. I am now on the path to a fuller spiritual life as well. It’s not just the healthy thing to do; and that little girl in there…she deserves it. So do I. So do YOU.

Namaste

Finding the Path

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Sometimes you find a new path in life that never expected to take. It can really freak you out sometimes. You don’t ask for it, you don’t even want it. You want something else, and you chase it. It runs from you. You are heartbroken. You give up and ask for guidance. And then…something beautiful happens.

Ever since I was a young child, I knew I was strange. Kids made fun of me, my teachers said I talked too much in school, and I was overly emotional about things. Particularly animals. Especially if they were orphaned, homeless, or sick. I would bring them home, full of mange, or fleas and beg my Mother to let me keep them. I would cry for hours when she would say no. This led me to have many short term, and a couple of great long term pets. I was like this with friends too. Humans are different. A lot of times I ended up hurt and friendless. It was confusing and very hard at times. It still can be.

I have always been sensitive to people and places. I can still walk in a room and feel spirits, vibrations, tension, or love. For the longest time, I also saw spirits, heard them speak to me, and repeated their chatter for some time as a paid psychic medium. One day back in 1998, I heard from a spirit who had been murdered. I knew of this person, but did not know her, or know anyone who knew her. She had disappeared years before. Her body was never found. The chain of events leading me to this were very frightening for me. She wanted me to contact her Mother, and tell her everything that her murderer had done. It was much too gruesome for me to deal with. I decided it was best to turn off my abilities. So…I did. My husband didn’t believe in this strangeness at first. He came to believe that I wasn’t crazy. He supported my strange experiences because he witnessed some of them being confirmed by others. Thank goodness I didn’t lose him in the process of all that.

For some time I went without allowing any of the spirit entities to speak to me. I still have a problem with ever doing any of this work again. The dead are better left to keep silent. It dredges up things that I myself feel should be left alone. And, there could be spirits that trick us and I truly believe this is just not kosher. For myself, or anyone else. Laugh if you will, but things can get dark. I am not alone in these experiences. There are many who have had them. We just keep our mouths shut because of the reactions we get.

Now, there are some things I chose not to turn off. I just didn’t know what they were. I recently found out names for these gifts. I am a total empath, and an intuitive. We are all this way, but most people choose to ignore it, or don’t have their third eye open, so they don’t know.  I’ve accepted this, and have been delving into how to live with it.

What is an empath?  This will explain it much better than I can.
http://www.drjudithorloff.com/Free-Articles/emotional-empath-EF.htm

I recently connected with a very dear friend whom I had lost touch with. He is also an empath, intuitive and psychic. We have had a great time reconnecting, sharing, and encouraging one another to discover where we belong in this world. Why we have these gifts, and what we are to do with them. We are very misunderstood in this world. It makes life hard sometimes. People make fun of you. They think being psychic means you are like those fake people on television, and that we should know the answer to everything. That’s not how this works. We take what we are given and listen. We take action and move forward with what we have, to help others and ourselves spiritually grow. Now I am not talking about a religion. There is a huge difference in religion and spirituality. I don’t subscribe to one religion. I do believe we are governed by the universe, and many things around us. But that is another conversation. I just wanted to make that clear.

This all leads me to my latest experience. I woke up Thursday morning (Oct. 24, 2013) feeling horrible. I felt alone, sad, frustrated, and confused. Mercury Retrograde began Monday, so I was already aware that this was going to happen, but it was specifically about my abilities. I was having a hard time tuning the negativity out, and I ended up meditating longer and doing some Yoga. I spoke to my online friends about what I was feeling. I got many loving responses from other empaths and intuitives. I was having trouble getting my messages from the spirits. I wanted to let the positive ones back in (spirit guides etc.) and learn how to listen. It wasn’t coming. I had been struggling for weeks now. I had only a couple of messages from my main spirit guide – Falcon. That’s a whole story in itself as well.  Another entry.

I was talking to my friend on facebook, and  he said something about being a cat sometimes. I said – “I’m always a bird.”  When I said that, spirit allowed me to hear Nelly Furtado’s song ‘I’m like a bird’ pop into my head immediately. I looked up the lyrics and began to cry. This was the first sign. Finally, I was getting somewhere.

After that first sign, my dear psychic friend called me. His timing is always impeccable.  We were talking and I picked up the mail from outside. I saw a magazine from a Fraternity. WTF? Why did I get this? It’s from Carmel Indiana? I have NO clue why I would even have gotten this. Alpha Sigma Phi? Strange. I threw it down and forgot about it. I went through my day waiting for signs about how I would be getting information. Nothing more.

I then went to an empath community forum I had recently joined. I was doing some reading to prepare myself for how to deal with my new found abilities. I came upon ‘The Book of Storms’. This is a lesson on how to develop my abilities further, and I began to read the chapter on “dreamtongue”. Here it comes! It’s based on the Greek alphabet. How often does that come up? Thank you!  The fraternity magazine! Whoa! Another sign. I’ll take that.  I have to. There is no other explanation.
http://mysilentecho.com/lesson8-1.html

My hubby came home and immediately announced he wanted to watch a movie. I said nothing to him about my strange day, or any of these signs. I didn’t want to talk about it.  I just wanted to relax.  I agreed we should watch a movie later. We ate dinner and settled in to do just that. My hubby has a propensity for dark humor and movies. He wanted to watch a movie about the Holocaust. I immediately grabbed the remote.
Me – “That’s just not gonna cut it tonight. I have had a very strange day, and I can’t do Hitler tonight.”
Him -“You pick something then. I’m cool with that. I just don’t really want to watch a documentary.”
I scanned through Netflix looking for a comedy, or something light and positive that wasn’t a documentary. I landed on a movie called ‘Jeff, Who Lives at Home’. “This looks good.”  I said. I had never heard of this movie, nor did it give any kind of description leading to what it was really all about.  So we began to watch. As we watched, I began to tear up. The movie was all about allowing the signs around you to speak to you, and lead you where you are supposed to go. The whole time, the main character in the movie was suffering confusion about life.  His family and all the people around him were making fun of him. He continued on, not letting it phase him. By the end of the movie, the message couldn’t have been clearer. I refuse to reveal spoilers here. You just have to watch it. This one thing, at my husbands suggestion, had opened my eyes.  The signs are everywhere. You just have to go with your gut. Don’t be afraid to listen or see. How could it be? It just is. I shared it with him. Of course he was silent at first, and then encouraged me to review everything and make sure I wasn’t going by coincidence. I explained. He agreed it was strange. The video – Cool! The magazine – No explanation whatsoever; but the movie, yeah, the movie was dead on yelling at me. See the signs! Pay attention to what is going on around you. We are all here to guide you.

Now I know. Now I see. I even got other messages that evening. And they keep coming.  Subtle messages sometimes, and sometimes strong ones, but I’ll take them. I’ll go with them. I’m not crazy! I am an intuitive, psychic. An empath.  A Blissworker. I know why I am here now, and what my path is.  This is why I have to leave places sometimes. This is why I feel dark vibrations and good vibrations, Love, hate, all of them affect me in a strong sense. The only way I can explain this, is to say that sorting them out, is like hearing  a multitude of radio stations at once. I have to find the ones I like and tune out the others. It’s not so easy to do. If you have these gifts, you know exactly what I mean. Meditation is a constant need. Peace and silence are what we seek.  It’s all coming together now., and I want to use it to help others. I just have to continue to sort it all out and learn how. It’s coming. I’ll let it flow. Just be patient with me. I hope you understand. I hope you will still want to talk to me, and be my friend.

I love you all, and yes… I finally love myself. This is just the beginning of my new path. We are all on our own. I hope you look for yours, and you listen to the signs, and find your path. It’s out there, and it’s beautiful once you find it.  Don’t be afraid. All the right people will accept you. All the wrong ones will leave your life. It’s okay.  You are on your own path.

Namaste

Wednesday Musings

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Today is October 23, 2013. Day three of the current Mercury Retrograde. When I got up this morning, I tried to check my email, only to find my internet was down. I made some coffee, sat back down in the living room thinking I was going to call my son. Oh! The phone is down as well. Glad I have a cell phone. I tried to call him from there, but he didn’t answer. When he finally called me back on my home phone, it was working, but his reception was bad, and we of course were disconnected. Okay Mercury, I guess I will get some reading done. I am staying close to home and committed to working on myself right now anyway.  I need to be getting some things ready for Winter weather.   I got to work doing some chores outside. This forced me to think of things.  I did a lot of thinking about relationships and communication, and how this work in our present time.

Why don’t people actually call people anymore. It’s always -“Hey, get up with me on facebook or text me. Did you get my facebook message I sent you? Did you get my text?” These are all terms I did not grow up hearing. And half the time I don’t get those messages.  So…it’s a bit frustrating, and leads me to wonder. Is technology ruining our communication skills? Are we losing our grip on social skills through facebook and cell phone use? Maybe. I’ve had friends tell me that they have actually had long term relationships with people by text only. Is that even a possibility?

Don’t get me wrong. I really appreciate my friends who contact me, no matter how they choose to. I am simply expressing my distaste for social media and texting as a general form of communication. I don’t know about you, but I like to see expressions, hear the voices, and actually come in contact with my friends and loved ones. I’m afraid at some point,  two people texting each other from across the room giggling, is going to end up being the norm for communication. If you are doing that to talk bad about someone else in the room, you might want to reflect on your inner thoughts and stop that behavior immediately.

I think facebook and social media in general can also be very rough on our spiritual growth as well.  I got to the point where the first thing I did in the morning was jump on facebook to check out what everyone was doing, or share my favorite quote I found that day. I was missing out on Yoga and meditation time more and more. I noticed that it sounded like everything I  posted was bragging. It also seemed like seeing what everyone else was “bragging” about, began to make me feel a little inferior.  That got old real quick. I want to love myself. I have animals to take care of, cooking I want to do, art I want to make, and friends that I would love to spend real time with.  Now, I still spend time on facebook, but have turned off a lot of peoples updates so I can have some peace of mind. I only see and watch what I feel is feeding me spiritually. You can do that too, you know, and I highly recommend it. I spend a lot more time in the quiet. I cook more, and I play with my animals. When I do get on facebook, I try to read elephant journal or tiny Buddha, check on some friends I am close, or share a positive note or article. It’s nice to chat with people that do have positive things to say, delete or say goodbye with a button to those who bring me down. Do I feel bad saying this? No, because we all have to guard our heads and our hearts from the all and any negativity. You know that old saying – garbage in , garbage out? It’s so true. I am trying so hard to keep garbage out.

I hope you have a lovely day. After thinking about this today, I decided to make a concerted effort to be a better about this myself. I have fallen into this bad habit of texting, face-booking, etc. I want to make an effort to be better at communication. Sometimes, I think it’s just a matter of laziness on my part.

Hug someone every day.

Call someone you love , so you can actually hear each others voice.

Send  a friend or loved one a card once a week.

Hopefully this will fall into someones hands that needs it as bad I felt I needed to be reminded. What if there were no technology to communicate tomorrow? What would you do?