I have a love-hate relationship with facebook. It really blows my mind the obviousness of facebook relationships vs real life relationships, and how people make themselves obvious on facebook, just as much or more so than in real life sometimes.
I heard some local D.J.’s discussing the different aspects of facebook and how we choose to use it. Of course I agreed and disagreed with the varying opinions, but one thing is for sure; we all have different reasons why we partake in it, at any given time. Some of us use it as a scrapbook of our lives, or to vent, or to try to keep ourselves on track. But yeah, maybe some people use it for social climbing and/or bragging, to make others think better of us, or just for some attention.
So…why? Why do we care what others think about us? Do we feel we have to? I use to care. It bothered me, and made me feel so sad. I voiced things I shouldn’t have. I was passive aggressive about things I was angry about. I even called people out on facebook, (which is really a bad idea, even if you are right). It’s just a bad place to try to work things out with others. As of late, I have been pulling myself away from all of that, and it feels fucking amazing and freeing. I question whether I even want to keep my profile, but I love posting pictures, knowing they will always be there. That, and looking back on things I posted to watch my own growth.
After going to a party with my husband last night, I realized how much more in tune I have become to what people are thinking and what their intentions are, whether they are even conscious of them or not, I just know what they are thinking sometimes. This means, I can tell if they are being genuine, vying for attention, or being mean to someone, and yes, even lying or making something up. Not just in their presence, but on facebook as well. Don’t worry, this isn’t about you. It’s about me. It freaks me the FUCK. OUT.
I love everyone, and I have tried like hell to become as aware as I can of my own words, and actions and reactions as of late. I catch myself in a conversation about someone that just did something really fucked up, and even if I don’t care for their actions, I feel bad for them. They are of course on their own path, and yes, sometimes they fuck up. So do I. So do we all. But that doesn’t mean I should be partaking in conversations about people, and I need to stop it, as of NOW. It seems like I notice doing it with just certain people. WE all need to stop that. It makes me feel uncomfortable, and bad inside. That’s all that matters to me right now. I don’t care what any of you think anymore. This is about me. Yes, that’s what I said. This is ABOUT. ME. My spiritual path, my wayward actions. If you feel bad while reading my own bitch session about me, that’s your problem. I love you, but get over yourself.
You may think I am judging you right now, but I am judging ME. I am angry with myself, for allowing myself to be out of control, careless, and judgmental. I told my husband this morning, I am becoming more aware, and in the chaos of my own thoughts, I use mediation on the weirdest things, and at the strangest times, to take back control of my own misguided thoughts. So, this is what I do. I will be somewhere, catch myself judging what someone is thinking, and it literally makes me feel like I have to go home. It feels like facebook, only in real life.
I am writing this for me, but I am also hoping that maybe people will read it and understand that all of our actions create reactions. Whether we as humans realize it or not, when we alienate people – we create negative situations. When we interrupt them while they are speaking – it removes them from their personal connections and makes them feel alienated and worthless. When we start talking about how important we are, or project our cliquish attitude with our circle of “important” friends, we are leaving people out. I hate it! I literally feel sick when I see it happening. And, whenever I go out in public, it’s inevitably taking place. What to do, except remove myself from the situation? I still don’t know.
It’s absolutely stupid the reasons we humans see one human to be more important or worthy of love and attention than another human. We all put our pants on the same, wipe our ass; piss, shit and inevitably, we all. die. in the end. It seems as though ,what a lot of people strive for, is attention or at the least approval. I understand wanting to be loved, but what about giving everyone our love. Ignoring certain people that would normally talk to in real life just isn’t cool. It’s not cool to do this at all. It’s hurtful.
This is where facebook comes in. Why? Why do we hit the like button on some posts, and completely ignore other people that we talk to in real life? Why do we have friends that we don’t know, or have never met in real time, yet we try to impress them? Why do we ignore people day to day, yet keep them as friends on our facebook page? It makes me wonder if this isn’t what is creating grave miscommunications and discourse within the human race. Are we watching them and judging them? Yes, I see it and hear about it all the time. I am just listening to what everyone else says in conversation. Remember that. But, I am truly questioning all of this interaction now? How did we evolve into this? Why is social media so important. Why does anyone take facebook at face value? This isn’t real people! Or, is it? I guess it just depends on each individual mindset. We choose to write a note on facebook, or a text, than to pick up the phone and call them. We have a plethora of “friends” on facebook, and these people are free to come here and judge each other, watch each other, talk bad about others, or make fun of things we don’t care for or agree with. We can show everyone the face we want them to see, and not who we really are. We can post things that we feel might help others while helping ourselves, or be a total asshole; but inevitably, why are we really doing all of this? That is what I am asking myself. Where do I draw the line? Why am I really here? Maybe you think this is stupid, , or maybe you’ve gotten this far into what I am writing here, because you know what I am getting at. You may be struggling with this topic as well.
So, here’s where I’m at with this. I now vow – To take more time for myself, my home, my close friends, and my loved ones, in real life instead of facebook. To take more time to breathe, to meditate and to find more inner peace. To give myself more time to fit those people in that no one cares to talk to. The other socially awkward folks, like myself. I want to get to know them too. To post more about why I am posting something; or to just make it clear, that it’s really about me, not someone else. To be a more mindful social media poster and a more mindful human being, when it comes to human interactions.
You may think I am a narcissist for posting all these things about me. But guess what. This is about all of US. Because in reality, I am really all of YOU. WE are all the same. Just humans being human. Humans making mistakes. Humans starting all over, every day. What we do and say, is what we cause. and. affect. I just had to remind myself to pay attention, today, and every day.
Thanks for reading.