Hard Lessons

bsdvoostchakrehfd9uioSometimes it’s known when the Universe is speaking to us, other times it’s not as clear as we would like for it to be. We want to hear a clear answer to our questions, and for those of us who are healers, we hope for those answers for those we may be assisting in their healing as well. Focus is everything in our spiritual practices, however, sometimes we as healers take so much time for others, we unintentionally forget to re-charge and re-energize ourselves. We lose focus of what our guides are telling us. This can really take a toll on us as light-workers and healers, and we must keep this thought in the forefront of our practice, otherwise we may get a hard lesson.
One of these lessons came to me yesterday, and the answer came today. For months now meditation has not only been a place of solace for me, but also a place to get answers, especially in nature where I always commune with every living thing hoping for answers. Yesterday, I took the dog out to the park. It was a lovely day, and the smells and sounds of spring were delightful and delicious. I couldn’t wait to get into the woods. I had just taken a video of violets dancing in the spring wind right off the road.  As I turned from taking the video, the dog move forward quickly to explore. When she did my foot was caught in a tree root and took me down hard onto the black top road. I fell on my left side, crashing so hard my head bounced off of the pavement. Being an Aries, my first thought was my head. I reached up; not too bad up there. No blood, no cuts. I then felt an exploding amount of pain in my left hand. I looked down to see a huge piece of skin had been ripped from my knuckle where it had hit the pavement. I sat on the edge of the road and began to cry. The pain was so bad in my hand that it was stinging and burning. I was bleeding and angry. I thought to myself – “My walk is ruined now, I have to go home.” I gathered my thoughts and decided that was not going to happen. Stubbornness kicked in and I headed for the trail. I can just let this blood dry and wash it up when I get home.  As I walked on my whole left side began to ache. My hand was pulsing so hard with pain that I hadn’t noticed my chest hurt. I realized then that when I had fallen, I had crashed into the pavement on my left side. My heart and ribs hurt so bad I could barely stand it, but I walked on until the end of the trail trying to keep my mind on Mother and all her beauty.
I got home, cleaned up and bandaged my hand with a little help from my husband. I decided to take it easy and not go anywhere else. I was too sore to move, much less carry out any of the plans I had for the day. I called my friend Robin Church whom I was supposed to meet for a concert and art exhibit, and I canceled plans with my son and his girl. I lay around on the couch all day and felt extremely uncomfortable, took  an anti-inflammatory and tried to figure out why in the world this would have happened to me. What was the universe trying to tell me?

This is how I think about these things. Nothing is coincidence, every little sign, sound, sight, and/or happening is a lesson you see. I knew there was a lesson. The first thing that came to mind was the root that my foot was caught in. Mother wanted me to know to stay grounded, but to also pay attention. I have not been paying attention to what is important on this path of mine. I have not done all I was told to do a month or so ago. Hanging on to old patterns and old things I need to let go of. The second thing that came to mind was where I was hurt the most. My hand. My left hand, which is my female side. Was it me? Is my feminine medicine being neglected? What does this one mean? What does it all mean? I tried to put it all out of my mind. I slept well considering my pain, but I felt much better this morning than I expected to.
I got a call from my friend Robin this morning. She knew how bad I had felt yesterday and last night, so she called to check in on me. I told her I felt better, and she was happy to hear it. I told her I knew there was a lesson in this and she shared something with me. During her lifetime she has been involved in many car accidents. She shared with me a wonderful talk by a lady that she had heard after one of her accidents that really struck home with me. She said that this lady had shared how sometimes, when we are in an accident, the jarring of our bodies breaks loose that energy that may be stuck and needs to be broken loose in order for us to become free of it. I immediately heard my spirit say – “your heart!”  My heart? Yes…this made complete sense to me immediately. My heart chakra needs healing. Why didn’t I see this? With all the things that have hurt me over the past few years, I am still hanging on to shreds of hope that they may still be able to be a part of my life here in the same form somehow. Let it go. Damn! This is it. This is what you were trying to tell me? My hands are what I work with, and my hand is also injured and hurting now. Ah. How could I be so blind as to think this was going to pass by and not get resolved? I tried to smooth it over and tell myself it was all just in my head. Well, it wasn’t. My spirit guides spoke loud and clear months ago, and I just kept holding on, thinking that maybe it would all resolve itself in the same form and the same place. Nope! It’s clear now that my inability to take their advice was now coming back in full force. Not gently either.
Maybe I need to explain part of this in detail – I love music, and always have. We traveled in our VW bus for years going to shows and festivals, we owned a venue for years, I booked music afterwards, I worked many festivals and had high hopes that I would find my music family and find my place here in the music world. Things didn’t work out with any of it. Not for a lack of experience, but for reasons I still do not understand. I got sick for a while and was unable to do anything. I felt good enough to volunteer and work part-time at one point, but it still never panned out for me.  I am good at everything I do, I know this. I always put my heart and soul into all my projects to make them successful, so I never fully understood how I could have gotten left behind, feeling so brokenhearted and jilted by this world and the work I loved so much.

What I failed to remember and  keep in mind is… that we are not in charge. If I am being told to let go, there IS something better out there for me. So all these months I have been holding on to things that have been holding me back from something amazing. I had clear messages to give up everything from my past, and I have not done so. I have not listened and now, the message just got stronger. Let it go! Mother screamed at me as she grabbed my foot and allowed me to go down. She showed me my own heart ache, stuck because of my stubbornness to let go and allow the new things to come along. She opened my wound for me to see it for what it really is. An opportunity for new things that most certainly will be absolutely beautiful, and everything I need to heal my life.  I have my sound therapy, my spiritual path and am moving forward in that direction, so why am I still focused on the old?

I will, and have to let go now. No matter how bad this will hurt, there is something bright and beautiful on the other side of this. This time, I will allow this healing, and let go of these heartaches and let this healing take place completely. The timing couldn’t be more perfect for this either. The moon, the eclipse, the planetary alignment. Who knows, maybe they knew that my stubborn ass would wait until this time. At any rate, I am ready. Here I go!  I’m ready for my healing. Thank you for the lesson great spirits.

I’m writing this for you, not just myself. Is there something you are holding on to that you need to give up? Maybe, many things? We are living in times of great change. Things are not the same, and they will never stay the same. It’s okay to let go. It’s just not an easy thing to do. Sometimes we think we know what is best, but the universe has other things in mind. Listen in silence and wait. The answers are already there. I hope you find yours, and if you ask, you certainly will.

Love and blessings to all who may read this,