Sometimes you find a new path in life that never expected to take. It can really freak you out sometimes. You don’t ask for it, you don’t even want it. You want something else, and you chase it. It runs from you. You are heartbroken. You give up and ask for guidance. And then…something beautiful happens.
Ever since I was a young child, I knew I was strange. Kids made fun of me, my teachers said I talked too much in school, and I was overly emotional about things. Particularly animals. Especially if they were orphaned, homeless, or sick. I would bring them home, full of mange, or fleas and beg my Mother to let me keep them. I would cry for hours when she would say no. This led me to have many short term, and a couple of great long term pets. I was like this with friends too. Humans are different. A lot of times I ended up hurt and friendless. It was confusing and very hard at times. It still can be.
I have always been sensitive to people and places. I can still walk in a room and feel spirits, vibrations, tension, or love. For the longest time, I also saw spirits, heard them speak to me, and repeated their chatter for some time as a paid psychic medium. One day back in 1998, I heard from a spirit who had been murdered. I knew of this person, but did not know her, or know anyone who knew her. She had disappeared years before. Her body was never found. The chain of events leading me to this were very frightening for me. She wanted me to contact her Mother, and tell her everything that her murderer had done. It was much too gruesome for me to deal with. I decided it was best to turn off my abilities. So…I did. My husband didn’t believe in this strangeness at first. He came to believe that I wasn’t crazy. He supported my strange experiences because he witnessed some of them being confirmed by others. Thank goodness I didn’t lose him in the process of all that.
For some time I went without allowing any of the spirit entities to speak to me. I still have a problem with ever doing any of this work again. The dead are better left to keep silent. It dredges up things that I myself feel should be left alone. And, there could be spirits that trick us and I truly believe this is just not kosher. For myself, or anyone else. Laugh if you will, but things can get dark. I am not alone in these experiences. There are many who have had them. We just keep our mouths shut because of the reactions we get.
Now, there are some things I chose not to turn off. I just didn’t know what they were. I recently found out names for these gifts. I am a total empath, and an intuitive. We are all this way, but most people choose to ignore it, or don’t have their third eye open, so they don’t know. I’ve accepted this, and have been delving into how to live with it.
What is an empath? This will explain it much better than I can.
I recently connected with a very dear friend whom I had lost touch with. He is also an empath, intuitive and psychic. We have had a great time reconnecting, sharing, and encouraging one another to discover where we belong in this world. Why we have these gifts, and what we are to do with them. We are very misunderstood in this world. It makes life hard sometimes. People make fun of you. They think being psychic means you are like those fake people on television, and that we should know the answer to everything. That’s not how this works. We take what we are given and listen. We take action and move forward with what we have, to help others and ourselves spiritually grow. Now I am not talking about a religion. There is a huge difference in religion and spirituality. I don’t subscribe to one religion. I do believe we are governed by the universe, and many things around us. But that is another conversation. I just wanted to make that clear.
This all leads me to my latest experience. I woke up Thursday morning (Oct. 24, 2013) feeling horrible. I felt alone, sad, frustrated, and confused. Mercury Retrograde began Monday, so I was already aware that this was going to happen, but it was specifically about my abilities. I was having a hard time tuning the negativity out, and I ended up meditating longer and doing some Yoga. I spoke to my online friends about what I was feeling. I got many loving responses from other empaths and intuitives. I was having trouble getting my messages from the spirits. I wanted to let the positive ones back in (spirit guides etc.) and learn how to listen. It wasn’t coming. I had been struggling for weeks now. I had only a couple of messages from my main spirit guide – Falcon. That’s a whole story in itself as well. Another entry.
I was talking to my friend on facebook, and he said something about being a cat sometimes. I said – “I’m always a bird.” When I said that, spirit allowed me to hear Nelly Furtado’s song ‘I’m like a bird’ pop into my head immediately. I looked up the lyrics and began to cry. This was the first sign. Finally, I was getting somewhere.
After that first sign, my dear psychic friend called me. His timing is always impeccable. We were talking and I picked up the mail from outside. I saw a magazine from a Fraternity. WTF? Why did I get this? It’s from Carmel Indiana? I have NO clue why I would even have gotten this. Alpha Sigma Phi? Strange. I threw it down and forgot about it. I went through my day waiting for signs about how I would be getting information. Nothing more.
I then went to an empath community forum I had recently joined. I was doing some reading to prepare myself for how to deal with my new found abilities. I came upon ‘The Book of Storms’. This is a lesson on how to develop my abilities further, and I began to read the chapter on “dreamtongue”. Here it comes! It’s based on the Greek alphabet. How often does that come up? Thank you! The fraternity magazine! Whoa! Another sign. I’ll take that. I have to. There is no other explanation.
My hubby came home and immediately announced he wanted to watch a movie. I said nothing to him about my strange day, or any of these signs. I didn’t want to talk about it. I just wanted to relax. I agreed we should watch a movie later. We ate dinner and settled in to do just that. My hubby has a propensity for dark humor and movies. He wanted to watch a movie about the Holocaust. I immediately grabbed the remote.
Me – “That’s just not gonna cut it tonight. I have had a very strange day, and I can’t do Hitler tonight.”
Him -“You pick something then. I’m cool with that. I just don’t really want to watch a documentary.”
I scanned through Netflix looking for a comedy, or something light and positive that wasn’t a documentary. I landed on a movie called ‘Jeff, Who Lives at Home’. “This looks good.” I said. I had never heard of this movie, nor did it give any kind of description leading to what it was really all about. So we began to watch. As we watched, I began to tear up. The movie was all about allowing the signs around you to speak to you, and lead you where you are supposed to go. The whole time, the main character in the movie was suffering confusion about life. His family and all the people around him were making fun of him. He continued on, not letting it phase him. By the end of the movie, the message couldn’t have been clearer. I refuse to reveal spoilers here. You just have to watch it. This one thing, at my husbands suggestion, had opened my eyes. The signs are everywhere. You just have to go with your gut. Don’t be afraid to listen or see. How could it be? It just is. I shared it with him. Of course he was silent at first, and then encouraged me to review everything and make sure I wasn’t going by coincidence. I explained. He agreed it was strange. The video – Cool! The magazine – No explanation whatsoever; but the movie, yeah, the movie was dead on yelling at me. See the signs! Pay attention to what is going on around you. We are all here to guide you.
Now I know. Now I see. I even got other messages that evening. And they keep coming. Subtle messages sometimes, and sometimes strong ones, but I’ll take them. I’ll go with them. I’m not crazy! I am an intuitive, psychic. An empath. A Blissworker. I know why I am here now, and what my path is. This is why I have to leave places sometimes. This is why I feel dark vibrations and good vibrations, Love, hate, all of them affect me in a strong sense. The only way I can explain this, is to say that sorting them out, is like hearing a multitude of radio stations at once. I have to find the ones I like and tune out the others. It’s not so easy to do. If you have these gifts, you know exactly what I mean. Meditation is a constant need. Peace and silence are what we seek. It’s all coming together now., and I want to use it to help others. I just have to continue to sort it all out and learn how. It’s coming. I’ll let it flow. Just be patient with me. I hope you understand. I hope you will still want to talk to me, and be my friend.
I love you all, and yes… I finally love myself. This is just the beginning of my new path. We are all on our own. I hope you look for yours, and you listen to the signs, and find your path. It’s out there, and it’s beautiful once you find it. Don’t be afraid. All the right people will accept you. All the wrong ones will leave your life. It’s okay. You are on your own path.